What does it mean to self-serve? It may mean different things to different people, but I want to clarify that it’s a whole lot more than getting your own dinner, or reaching for the loofah in the bath. To self-serve is about keeping your best interests deep at heart, front of mind and making it more than just an intention. Self-serving is honouring yourself enough to act. It is the difference between hoping to FIND the time and actually MAKING the time for yourself and your needs. Why is it important to self-serve? Because it helps you to be the best version of you – for everyone else.
If you grew up in the eighties or earlier you probably grew up believing that to think of yourself was somehow shameful and selfish. Midlife women today are carrying that belief and finding it hard to let go of. We are fighting for equality but are often deemed to be ‘wanting it all’ as we try our hardest to juggle motherhood, livelihood, intimate relationships, perhaps looking after ageing parents, and… being with ourselves. It is important to realise that wanting to be treated equally and to see a commitment to shared responsibility does NOT mean ‘wanting it all’. It translates to wanting the bare minimum. And the bare minimum includes an inclusive culture, mindset, systems and processes that broaden choices, open up realistic options, and provide actual opportunities.
We continue seeking validation in our important plight to please others and yet knowingly needing to approve and please ourselves. Many of us are highly ambitious, desperate to be seen and heard and to experience greater personal growth, but clutching ridiculous to do lists, trying to meet expectation after expectation, and with no time for the present.
If you are struggling with the motivation to make time and act in serving yourself, remind yourself who else it will serve to do this. The answer is everyone in your life. If it is important to you that your children grow up honouring and serving themselves, perhaps it’s time to show them how it’s done? Stop setting the expectation and start being the example?
This is the first instalment in a series which I’m calling “Do it for them. Do it for You”. It aims to acknowledge and celebrate a mother’s natural instinct to put her children first, whilst amplifying the need for her to serve herself. It aims to help women realise that practicing self-honour and self-love will not only bring out the best mother in them, but it will be the most effective way to ensure their children do the same. I hope it resonates.